I’ll be real honest with you here. I didn’t even know what love languages were until pre-Covid when I was sitting down with my husband in a marriage counseling session with our then counselor. And being the type A personality, I was definitely intrigued. And who doesn’t love a good ole personality test? I’m obsessed! My faves are the enneagram and the 16 personalities but I knew I needed to find out what my love language was and to see how I lined up with my husband. FYI – I’m words of affirmation, his is physical touch. Polar opposites.
While the real reason I initially took the test was to see how to deepen our relationship, this test can absolutely help guide you towards strengthening the relationship with yourself. So many people (women especially) are so easy to burn themselves to the ground by selflessly pouring into others and lack giving themselves the same kind of love. But babe, it’s time to ramp up that self love muscle because you deserve the same kind of love that you pour out to everyone else. Let’s explore what your own love language might be and how you can use it to creating more self love in your world.
The Five Self-Love Languages Are:
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Receiving Gifts
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
When it comes to love languages, everyone is different. Some people may prefer words of affirmation, while others may prefer quality time. It’s important to know what your love language is, so that you can make the most out of your relationships.
Once you know what love language you prefer, don’t forget that self-love is just as important. If you are neglecting yourself or your needs, then nobody else will be able to do it for you. Make sure that self-love is always on the list of things to do.
It’s essential that your self-love is unconditional. Otherwise, it defeats the whole purpose of self-love! Be patient with yourself and remember not everyone is perfect. Nobody can be 100 percent happy all of the time, so don’t beat yourself up over having a bad day every now and again.
Tips on how to improve your relationship with yourself by using a love language that you identify with the most
Words of Affirmation – Hear Self-Love
If your self love language is words of affirmation, then you need to start giving yourself compliments regularly. It can be tough to start, but eventually it will become a habit. Once you get into the habit of complimenting yourself, you’ll start to feel better about yourself and your self-love will grow.
Another way to use words of affirmation is by keeping a journal. Write down all the good things that have happened in your day, no matter how small they may seem. This will help you to see how much good there is in your life and it will boost your self-esteem.
Some other examples of using words of affirmation in your self-love practice are:
- Leaving affirmations on post-it notes to remind yourself of how beautiful/powerful you are
- Write a love letter to yourself
- Read a personal development book
- Create a gratitude journal
- Journal all of your strengths and things you love about yourself
Physical Touch – Feel Self-Love
If you feel most connected to the love language of physical touch, listen up. You probably feel most at peace when you do things that make your body feel calm and relaxed.
You should make time for self-massage. This can be done by using your hands or a self-massage tool. Massaging your own body can help to improve circulation, reduce stress and promote relaxation. Dry brushing can be an incredible tool for not only detoxing your body but to feel the circulation run through your body.
Some other examples if you relate to physical touch the most are:
- Start a skincare routine if you don’t already have one
- Self pleasure
- Gentle body movement (like yoga)
- Expressive dance
Receiving Gifts – Soak Up Self-Love
If your self love language is receiving gifts, you should find ways to accept gifts from yourself on a regular basis. Take the time to really appreciate and enjoy the things you’ve given yourself. savor the moment and let the pleasure linger.
You can also keep a list of all the things you’ve given yourself. This could be in the form of a physical list or it could be an electronic list. either way, it’s a good way to keep track of all the self-care things you’ve done for yourself as a simple reminder on the days where you aren’t feeling the love.
Some other ways to show self-love if your love language is receiving gifts are:
- Invest in a new hobby
- Buy yourself a new plant
- Learn a new skill
- Take yourself on a solo vacation
Acts of Service – Do Self-Love
If you truly love to live a life well prepped and do things like meal prep or make your bed or set your clothes out the night before to make your later moments a bit easier, your love language might be acts of service.
You can do things for other people as a way of showing yourself love. Offer to help a friend with a project they’re struggling with, cook dinner for your family or do something nice for your partner. Acts of service are a great way to show someone that you care about them.
Some other ways to be an act of service for your own self love:
- Cook yourself a nourishing meal
- Commit to a daily self care practice
- Schedule and stick to essential appointment for your health (physical, dental, etc)
- Move your body for 30 minutes/day
- If you work from home, create a clean and organized office space
Quality Time – Be Self-Love
If you are someone who enjoys being alone and just being present with yourself, chances are, your self-love language is quality time. This doesn’t mean that you are isolating yourself or that you have to be working in those moments. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, sit in silence and listen to the things that really light you up and what you need.
You can journal on these things. What excites you, what fears do you have, what are those big scary goals that you don’t dare share with the people around you?
Some simple ways you can begin to show yourself more self love if your love language is quality time are:
- Meditation or breath work
- Clean your living space
- Take yourself on a date
- Time block your schedule to make open space in your calendar for self care practices
- Engage in hobbies or activities that spark joy in you
Now that you know the five types of love languages, which one is resonating the most with you? Once you have identified your love language, make an effort to express love in that way as often as possible. Not only will this make you feel loved and appreciated, but it will also help improve your relationship with yourself. These self-love tips are just a starting point – experiment and find what works best for you!
Personally my love language is words of affirmation but when it comes to self-love, mine is completely different. My self-love language is acts of service. Do you have a different self love language in comparison to your love language in a relationship or is it the same? Answer in the comments. I’d love to know. Share this article with your friends to see the similarities (or differences) with the ones you love.